How to build a relationship with the Holy Spirit

A relationship with the Holy Spirit is a foundational aspect of the Christian faith, offering guidance, comfort, and a deeper connection with God. However, many believers find it difficult to cultivate this relationship, often struggling to hear His voice or feel His presence.

The key to overcoming this challenge is to understand that building this relationship is a conscious, intentional practice that requires both seeking and listening, much like a friendship with any person.Drawing inspiration from the teachings of evangelist Kathryn Kuhlman, here are key principles for fostering a vibrant and intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit.

The Basics

The Word of God as His Primary LanguageThe foundational truth in connecting with the Holy Spirit is understanding that He communicates primarily through the written Word of God, the Bible. The scriptures are "Spirit-breathed" and serve as His reliable and consistent means of revealing God’s heart, mind, and will (2 Timothy 3:16).A genuine relationship with the Holy Spirit must be rooted in a deep commitment to studying, meditating on, and obeying scripture. He will never contradict the Bible (John 16:13).

When you read the Word, the Holy Spirit illuminates it, making it alive and relevant to your specific situation. He uses scripture to provide clarity, correction, guidance, and direction. Therefore, feeding your mind and spirit with the Bible daily is not just a religious duty, but an essential step in learning to recognize and understand the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Real-World Example: You are facing a difficult financial decision. Instead of only relying on a financial advisor, you spend time in Proverbs, specifically verses about stewardship and debt. The Holy Spirit brings a verse like Proverbs 22:7 ("The borrower is the servant of the lender") to life in a way that gives you a clear sense of peace about a specific, more conservative path you hadn't initially considered.

Acknowledge Him as a Real Person

The next step is recognizing the Holy Spirit not as an impersonal force, a feeling, or a mere power source, but as a real, distinct person of the Trinity with a mind, emotions, and will. He is the third person of the Godhead, present to be your constant companion (John 14:16-17). He is a gentleman and will not force His way into your life; He waits for an invitation. Acknowledge His presence in all aspects of your life, from major decisions to mundane tasks. A simple daily prayer like, "Come, Holy Spirit," can be a good start.

Real-World Example: When you sit down to start your workday, you resist the urge to immediately check emails and instead simply say, "Good morning, Holy Spirit. I invite you into my work today. Guide my decisions and help me have a kind attitude." Throughout the day, you find yourself more patient with a difficult colleague because you have acknowledged His presence and invited His nature into your circumstances.

Surrender and Yield Completely

Intimacy with the Holy Spirit comes through the complete surrender of one's life, will, plans, and self-reliance (Romans 12:1-2). This involves laying down personal ambitions and pride, emptying yourself so the Holy Spirit can take full control (Galatians 2:20). Kuhlman emphasized that you must be "wholly available" to God. This surrender is not a one-time event but a daily, moment-by-moment choice to let go of self and allow the Spirit to lead.

Real-World Example: You had your heart set on a specific job promotion. You have worked hard for it, but the position goes to someone else. Instead of becoming bitter or discouraged, you choose to surrender your desire and the disappointment to the Holy Spirit, praying, "Your will be done." This surrender opens your heart to a new direction, leading to a different opportunity later that was a better fit for your skills and family life.

Making Space for the Holy Spirit

Stillness and SilenceMany people struggle to hear the Holy Spirit because they come before Him in prayer and then quickly leave without staying to listen. In our fast-paced world, we are conditioned to constantly move, but the Holy Spirit's voice is not often found in the noise. He speaks in a "still small voice" or a whisper and does not compete with the worry and clamor of the world (1 Kings 19:12).To truly hear Him, one must put away distractions and separate from the world, making intentional space for Him to speak to your heart through prayer.

You must find a quiet place and stay long enough for your flesh and busy thoughts to grow silent, allowing your spirit to rise and perceive His presence. He speaks in stillness, in moments of quiet surrender in the depths of a heart that is truly seeking Him.

Real-World Example: Your mind is racing with anxiety about a family member's health. You turn off your phone, close the bedroom door, and sit in silence for 15 minutes. During this quiet time, you don't do all the talking. As you listen, a profound sense of peace comes over you, along with the distinct impression, "I am with them." This isn't an audible voice, but a calming inner knowing that breaks the cycle of worry.

Communicate Constantly and Honestly

Build intimacy by talking to the Holy Spirit as you would your dearest friend. Share your fears, doubts, dreams, and struggles without pretense or religious formality. He already knows your heart, but articulating your thoughts and feelings builds conscious connection (1 Thessalonians 5:17). This constant, heartfelt conversation throughout your day fosters a deep awareness of His nearness.

Real-World Example: You are driving to work and get cut off in traffic, feeling a surge of anger. Immediately, you say out loud (or in your mind), "Holy Spirit, I feel so angry right now. Help me to let this go and not let bitterness ruin my morning." This immediate, honest communication invites Him into your emotional state and shifts your focus.

Learning to Recognize His Voice

Listen and ObeyOne must also learn to recognize the Holy Spirit's voice. Relationship requires not just speaking, but also listening to His promptings and inspirations, which are always good and align with God's Word. He does not always speak in audible words. More often, He speaks through a deep inner witness or through impressions placed upon the heart (Romans 8:14-16). These can be feelings of peace, conviction, or a clear sense of direction.Obedience increases sensitivity to His voice, and acting promptly on His guidance is crucial. He also speaks powerfully through the Word of God, illuminating scriptures in a way that brings clarity and direction to your life. The more time you spend in His presence, the more sensitive you will become to His specific way of communicating with you.

Real-World Example: While at the grocery store, you have a sudden, fleeting thought to buy a specific snack for a neighbor who has been sick. You almost ignore it as a random thought, but the impression is persistent. You obey the prompting. Later, when you drop off the snack, your neighbor is moved to tears, revealing it was their favorite snack they hadn't had in years, and that they had been feeling very alone. Your obedience to an inner impression brought comfort to someone in need.

Maintain Purity and Humility

A soft and pure heart is key to experiencing God's presence. Humility involves recognizing dependence on God, which attracts the Holy Spirit (James 4:6). Kathryn Kuhlman taught the importance of living a life free from bitterness, unforgiveness, and willful sin, as these "grieve" the Spirit and create distance in the relationship (Ephesians 4:30-32).

Repent quickly when you stumble, and seek to maintain a heart dedicated to God.By following these principles of surrender, intentional stillness, and constant communication, you can move beyond merely knowing about the Holy Spirit to knowing Him personally and intimately, experiencing His guidance, peace, and power in your daily life.